G. K. Wuori

I Wish Department –

“If wishes were raindrops we’d all drown.”
— Anonymous

I wish the Democrats and Republicans could stop wanting each other dead long enough to realize that we need another political party since those two parties are pretty much mug and wump on all issues.

* * *

I wish the media would stop doing those stories about whether or not organic food is more nutritious than non-organic food. Nutritionally they are the same. It’s just that with organic food you don’t get the pheoxy and benzoic acid herbicides, triazines, ureas, and chloroacetanilides, and with non-organic foods you do.

* * *

I wish the government would close all interstate highways for six months, repair them all up to necessary standards, and then reopen them. We can cope. Coping is good.

* * *

I wish my supermarket would stop discontinuing items that my wife and I regularly use.

* * *

I wish I knew why air conditioner is abbreviated A/C but FM radio isn’t F/M, nor is D/C the location of our nation’s capitol. These are important questions that ought to be pursued.

* * *

I wish the weather people would stop portraying every oncoming summer or winter storm as though it were the Apocalypse and Rapture combined.

* * *

I wish more kids played outside in the summer.

* * *

I wish Facebook didn’t constantly reveal just how unintelligent, uninformed, and uninteresting most people are.

* * *

I wish the light on the clock in my Honda Accord worked, but they want $50 to replace the bulb.

* * *

I wish I could fly.

* * *

I wish I knew what the Rapture is. It sounds sexy.

* * *

I wish the man who delivers my Chicago Tribune wouldn’t throw the Sunday paper in the middle of the yard – when the yard has a foot of snow on it.

* * *

I wish we would all come to our senses just long enough to repeal the Second Amendment. Either that or we get together and repeal the Fifth Commandment (Thou Shalt Not Kill) and get on with it.

* * *

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener.

* * *

I wish the people at Chevrolet could design a car that people really liked to look at. They’re close; just not there yet.

* * *

I wish people would stop going through life with earbuds in their ears. If God had wanted you to have background music, he would have given you an orchestra for parents.

* * *

I wish I knew why no one says “going to the show” anymore when they’re setting out to see a movie.

* * *

I wish I knew what happened to dime stores. They were a true wonderland for a kid.

* * *

I wish people wouldn’t paint their houses blue. I don’t care what shade it is, blue does not work on houses.

* * *
I wish McDonald’s still cooked their french fries in beef fat. They were soooo much better that way.

* * *

I wish there was at least one mainstream religion that didn’t regard women as second class members.

* * *

I wish Sarah Palin would stop that phony, folksy faux-western dialect she uses. Sarah – I knew John Wayne. John Wayne was my friend, and Sarah, you’re no John Wayne.

* * *

I wish you could still buy a five-pound bag of sugar.

* * *

I wish the half-gallon containers of ice cream I buy held more than forty-eight ounces.

* * *

I wish that, as a species, we were less biology and more psychology. A great idea trumps a great urge every time.

* * *

G. K. Wuori © 2010
Photoillustration by the author